My Best Friend, My True Love in Secret - Visitor's Story

by Rina
(Canada)

I met Roman when I was in second year high school. He's just an ordinary boy... but extra ordinary gentleman. Actually all of us in the classroom, we're just like brothers and sisters and we're not interested in getting attached with anyone as lovers. We're just all innocent I would say.

I could tell I liked him because he was so nice but I thought I just liked him as my brother. I could tell he liked me, but I thought as a sister.

After we graduated from high school in 1993, we all got separated. I never thought our friendship would continue after high school days since we're just poor, I strove hard to finish my college. I left our hometown by myself, working at daytime and school at night.

Most of our male classmates became sailors so did Roman. He got a job as a sailor for a year after that he got a vacation. I didn't know how but in 1998 we met up and the 3 of us (one of our friends from high school too) just got together.

Still Roman didn't say anything about his feelings for me. But he did tell me to wait for him, and to stay where I am till he comes back for his next trip as a sailor. And he said he would call me as soon as he comes back.

At that time I felt I was in love with him, and I knew he was in love with me too so I tried to wait for him. But in 2004 life got so tough that I needed to go abroad to find a job to support myself and my family. So I left my country to work abroad but still hoping one day Roman and I would meet again and he would still be free. For me I never get into any relationship as I just wanted him. It's just him that I loved. It's true I did have crushes on some guys but it's still Roman that I wished to marry.

After 2 years working in abroad in one of the countries in Asia, I moved to North America to work in 2006. I was still hoping for him and to stay single till the day we meet again.

I did find someone in America, my first boyfriend. I did try to break up with him so many times because I was hoping for Roman but I couldn't as he loves me so much. He is so nice to me and I can't afford to break his heart.

Finally in 2010 through Facebook I met Roman again... I did feel hurt because he is not free anymore... he's married. We did chat and he told me he wanted to be in Canada and he will divorce his wife.

But he said that as a joke and I told him, "Once you marry someone it's a lifelong commitment."

And he told me, "What if I had a change of feelings?"

I asked him, "What do you mean?"

He asked me not to talk about it as it's just for me. But then I told myself maybe even if he were still single, I still can't leave my boyfriend because he loves me so much. And this time I know I need to love Roman, but a brotherly love.

After all, we never did make known our feelings to each other and I think it's better that way.